Sometimes I can't believe that what is happening is actually happening. I've never once questioned why did this happen, to Dylan or to us. I don't know why I haven't. I just know it was meant to be or else it wouldn't have happened, so there is no point even going there and asking that. But what I can't wrap my mind around sometimes is the fact that it is actually all really happening. It's so crazy to me. I've joined a couple support groups with a bunch of other parents whose children have fibular hemimelia as well and it's been SO great talking with them and reading their stories. It's all so comforting and brings me so much peace and confirmation that Dylan will, as we have always believed, lead a "normal" life. But I am finding myself talking to parents about things I never thought I'd be talking to people about. Amputation, surgeries, prosthetic legs. I'm asking questions I never imagined myself asking. I find myself writing an email to one of these parents and I have to convince myself I'm not just making this all up in my head as some big elaborate made up story, but it is actually all very real. I'm answering other people's questions about my own child's situation that I never thought I'd be answering...to friends, family, fellow FH families, church members, strangers. I'm researching the different types of amputations, below the knee, above the knee, boyds, symes, etc., etc. I'm looking into different hospitals and options as far as that goes. I'm trying to figure out the financial aspect of it all and how we are going to handle that. I'm trying to imagine where we will be a year from now in terms of pre-surgery or post surgery?, in a house (which would be ideal) not in a house?, etc. I try to imagine how well Dylan will handle the surgery. I watch videos of other kids with FH who are walking in their prosthetic leg for the first time or learning how to put it on and I cry tears of joy for them. Never thought a video like that would affect me the way it does now. And I try to imagine Dylan taking his first few steps with his prosthetic leg and I can't wait for that moment. ...It is all so mind boggling to me still. Not in a bad way...just in a "this is all kind of crazy" way.
A year ago, I never would have imagined my life to be taking this route. But I'm not mad or sad or upset or even stressed by it. It is just life. And I'm grateful for the wonderful people we have met because of it and will continue to meet. I'm grateful for the new appreciation of life we have in our family. I'm grateful for my growing faith and testimony in a loving Heavenly Father because of it. But I'm especially grateful for Dylan, no matter what package he came in...this boy is amazing and perfect and I'm SO grateful that he is able to be with us as a part of our family.
My life is "perfect". My children and husband are "perfect". No matter our personal little imperfections or the little imperfections our life may experience...it's all perfect in my eyes because as crazy and unreal as it all seems sometimes, I couldn't imagine it any other way and now that we are on this road, I wouldn't want it any other way because of everything we have gained and continue to gain because of it.
Okay...enough blabbing. Just a lot of what I've been thinking lately. Haha.